I was often asked this question: how private investigation can help in rebuilding marriages?
“You can help to rebuild my marriage, are you sure?”
I cannot help to rebuild all marriages, but if the marriage is filled with suspicion of an involvement of a third party, I may be able to clear the first hurdle. Which is to find out what’s going on and remove this mental struggle. The lyrics of an Elvis Presley song – Suspicion describes this predicament well
“Suspicion torments my heart,
Suspicion keeps us apart,
Suspicion why torture me.”
However, removing this struggle does not mean marriage can be immediately restored. Rebuilding a marriage is only possible provided both parties are willing and able to stay committed to the whole process to emerge stronger as one.
What’s going on.
Only when you know what’s going on, then you can address the issues. That’s when private investigation comes into the picture.
I would say about 60% of the enquiries are about the confirmation of facts to stop the suspicion.
One of the scenarios would be noticing the tell-tale signs. For example, frequent overtime, sudden lack of interest in sex, extremely protective behaviour over the mobile phone and etc.
Or when questioned, husbands get defensive and play the victim card: that you are too sensitive… In a nutshell, the husband will try all means and ways to show that it is not their fault and instead send the wife on a guilt trip.
One lady commented: “I feel like I’m walking on eggshells, he keeps nit-picking at everything I do whenever I question his whereabouts, and the attention is unwittingly diverted to me being the bad person.”
A lot of ladies do not recognise that this is actually one aspect of emotional abuse. They told me they felt inferior and wronged.
Deal with the emotions first.
Women who meet me about matrimonial investigations often are at an all-time low and yet somehow managed to find the urge to prove themselves. Some are fearful or may even dread the facts that they want us to find for them. For when proven correct, they know they will feel betrayed, broken, angry and even ashamed. This roller-coaster of conflicting emotions is just too overwhelming for most women. The situation gets even more complicated when children are in the picture.
Most women will find the entire episode shocking and experience strong emotional and psychological distress. Some may even spiral into depression, anxiety or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
At Angels, we provide the space and time for our clients to calm down and deal with their emotions. Only then can they start to sort out the details that follow.
Stay tuned to Matrimonial Investigations – Part 2
* Opinions expressed are solely my own and do not express the views or opinions of my employer – Ranger Investigation and/or clients.